Are You Buying the Wrong Kind of Share? (A SpaceX vs. Beef Share Choose-Your-Own-Adventure)

It's just come to my attention that SpaceX went public today and is somehow worth over $2 Trillion Dollars and Elon is officially a trillionaire.

I have so many thoughts and questions about this.

First of all, I am told every day that the economy is terrible and consumer sentiment is the worst it's ever been and the sky is falling, and yet Wall Street is behaving like the music is never going to stop and they are gonna live forever and where do I get the drugs these people are snorting?

Second, I am old enough to remember when the world's most valuable companies were valuable because they, ya know, made money…..

Good old fashioned companies that built things people used and wanted!

Cigarettes, Oil, Tech stuff that people actually wanted enough to pay for, Weapons Systems, that kind of thing.

But suddenly you just say AI or Space and you're a trillionaire.

Now I dunno how this is going to pan out. I'm a farmer who writes silly emails. Maybe Elon will terraform Mars and I'll be wrong and we'll enter a golden age that my primitive brain cannot fathom.

But to date he seems to lose money, impregnate women, and wildly misestimate how long it takes to build stuff.

Which makes me wonder……

I can do those things!

Sure I didn't lose billions of dollars when we were starting out, and my kids are with just my one wife, and the missed timelines are for donkey sheds for that aforementioned one wife.

But still, where's my Trillion Dollar net worth?! I'd even take a cool Billion, I am not greedy!

Anyway…

While everyone scrambles to smash their piggy banks to finance the interplanetary ambitions of the exact weirdos who are busily ruining our current only planet.

I'm left wondering, are all these people buying the WRONG KIND of share?

Let me paint you a picture….

Path A: You buy a SpaceX Share

You've just invested in a company currently trading at 125x its revenue. The stock price goes up and down for a couple of years tethered to nothing in reality. It's cool at first, something to talk about. But then they run out of cash and issue more stock, diluting you. Plus, minting our first Trillionaire causes a cataclysmic race among other creepy egomaniacs who want to join him. Things start getting worse at an even more accelerated rate. Elon and Sam Altman pool together $10 Billion to get Jake Paul elected president. The Paul Administration eminent domains your backyard and installs a data center. Everything starts looking like the end of The Lorax when all the Truffula Trees get cut down (but also with the electrical hum of that data center). But it's going to be ok! You were an early SpaceX investor and they've terraformed Mars and Elon spends each and every earnings call assuring you that a paradise awaits (you listen to the calls via your Neuralink). When the day comes you show up to the launch pad and Elon just laughs as he presses a button that simultaneously closes the Starship door in your face and sets your personal least favorite song to loop on your Neuralink forever.

Well, that's… kinda dark. I gotta check in with our Fake General Counsel about some of that stuff.

In the meantime, let's check in on the folks who chose a different path…..

Path B: You buy a 100% Grass Fed Beef Share from Dirty Dog Farm

You place a deposit. Anticipation starts to build. You've heard tell of this glorious beef, but could it possibly be worth the wait? Finally your turn comes around. Nicole reaches out. You become best friends with her over the phone. The beef arrives. It's unbelievable. You text me pictures of it, you tag Jesse on Instagram. People in town find out. Suddenly you are extremely popular and you begin entertaining an eclectic circle of fascinating and mysterious characters at regular dinner parties. Also, thanks to the nutritional content you feel smarter, just a little bit but it's definitely there. You have an incredible business idea. One of your brilliant and fascinating dinner guests turns out to be the scion of an ancient European house of nobility, and he's recently come into his fortune. He invests in your business, you both make vast sums of money, and because your product was so good for humanity he becomes wildly popular and seizes the throne of the small Eastern European country his family hails from in a bloodless popular coup. He rules for decades as a benevolent and beloved philosopher-king and the civilization flourishes like a real-life Wakanda situation. You are exalted by the people and given a castle in the breathtaking hills to live out your days. Every night you say a quiet thanks to Dirty Dog Farm when you walk by your chest freezer (which you brought with you to the castle).

Wow....

Which kind of share are you actually buying?

Pretty stark contrast there.

Which way to go is clearly a deeply personal decision, but I'm pretty sure I know the choice I would make.

(If you'd like the more grounded version of what's actually in a beef share before committing to a hypothetical Wakanda situation, here's what a beef share actually is. And if you want the math, here's the all-in cost of a half cow.)

If you would like to join us on Path B, you can reserve a Beef Share with a free chest freezer here.

P.S. Our Fake General Counsel has advised me to clarify that your experience with either a Dirty Dog Farm Beef Share or a SpaceX Class A Common Stock share may vary, and we cannot guarantee the results described above. If you buy a Beef Share you may merely settle for becoming an incredibly happy customer who gets to feed their family delicious and nourishing beef every night.